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Blame-shifting for problemsExit the website

Very rarely will an abusive person accept responsibility for any negative situation or problem. If they are unemployed, can't hold down a job, were thrown out of college or university or fall out with their family, it is always someone else's fault, be it the boss, the government, or their mother.

They may feel that someone is always doing them wrong, or out to get them. He/she may make mistakes and then blame you for upsetting him/her or preventing him/her from doing as they wished to.

Blame-shifting for feelings

The abuser will deny feelings stem from within him/her but see them as reactions to your behaviour or attitude toward him/her. He/she may tell you that 'you make me mad', 'you're hurting me by not doing what I ask', or that he/she cannot help feeling mad, upset, etc.

You become in his/her mind the cause of good and bad feelings and are therefore responsible for his/her emotional well-being and happiness. Consequently, you are also to blame for any negative feelings such as anger, upset or depression.

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